A busy weekend!

I haven't posted over the weekend, partly because there's not much to report and partly because I've been really busy converting the playroom from a small rubbish heap to a useable play area which actually has things stored in their own places!

My wonderful husband fought with an uneven carpet and a Billy corner combination and then I stayed up very late on Saturday, carrying on after breakfast to get all the 'stuff' sorted. It was a really great job, we got rid of loads of rubbish and the room looks pretty awesome. One room down...

Healthwise I've been pretty good, nothing serious in the headache department, certainly not bad enough for painkillers and sleep has been pretty average. I somehow need to get to bed earlier, the medication obviously wears off well before bedtime and I find night time is the usual barrage of, 'I'll just do this' situations and without fail, midnight passes and I realise I've done it again! That being said I don't think I'm too awake to sleep because of the medication which would be disastrous.

The main thing that the Concerta seems to be doing is removing the 'I really can't be bothered' feeling, that slight feeling of dread of starting a job or going out to the shops. Now I'm happily typing this up in the playroom with my little one playing trains and watching Thomas and I'm not stressed over what I haven't done yet, I'm okay with the fact that I might not be able to do all the little jobs I want to do today. That's a very different feeling for me, I would usually get quite worked up trying to do everything and end up making mistakes or forgetting things.

I'm off for a cup of tea!

Good day after a bad night

I was woken up at 3am today by a really nasty headache. I took ibuprofen and paracetamol and ended up watching a couple of hours of telly before it eased off and I could sleep again. Thankfully when I got up at 8am all was well and I had a day pass to a local gym so had a really good morning actually exercising for a change. I was there from 10.30 until 2.30 which although includes some time in the pool and jacuzzi was mostly spent working out, far more stamina with the Concerta, I'm just dreading all my muscles aching tomorrow!

Having a night in with my hubby and no kids I decided that a curry and a box of chocolates was the best way to undo all the good work but it tasted fab so it was worth it. I did lose 1 1/2lb last week so a small reward was justified.

Feeling alright this evening, it's getting late but we're chilling out in front of the telly, I've just taken some ibuprofen as I can feel a headache coming on so hopefully it won't develop into anything like last night.

Another cold!

Well, this morning I woke up with a cold, which I'm unimpressed at because I only got over one a couple of weeks ago! It's going to make it hard to distinguish what is caused by the medication and what is because of the cold. I suppose technically the medication could have somehow lowered my defences with the increased activity and not noticing how tired I was therefore leading to higher susceptibility of a cold in the first place.

I had a reasonably good day, not a bad day or a brilliant day, just a generally fine day. I went to the mums and tots group and that went well, spoke to lots of parents, the craft activity that I'd prepared (well in advance for once) went down well and story time flew by so that was good. I went shopping and managed not to buy everything that seemed like a good idea and bought some trainers for £5.10 for my day at the gym tomorrow. My last pair of trainers fell apart some time ago and I booked the day pass for the gym without thinking about the fact that I'd have to buy some so thank goodness I found a bargain!

On the food front, as I know some others out there are wondering about that, I'm still cutting down on food in the day, actually not realising that I haven't eaten in a while but nights are still a problem. I've got low fat WW food in but I'm still not managing to stick with the number of 'points' I'm supposed to have. It's getting better, but it's not there yet. I should be getting weighed tomorrow but it clashes with the gym so I'll have to see if I can work round that to report to you all. Last week I had lost a pound and that's the first weight loss since November!

I didn't crash at 7pm tonight either which was a relief. I'm tired now so I'm off to bed, it would be lovely to get to sleep before midnight!

Until tomorrow..

Long day!

So the double dose started today and I expected a significant change but didn't actually find one! Unfortunately I was woken up at 4.30am this morning and spent the first few hours drifting in and out of sleep on the sofa in front of the telly, given that I didn't get to sleep until after 1am I was bound to be tired.

After taking the Concerta XL at around 8.20 I did manage to function well throughout the morning, I was attending a course which meant listening to a presentation and talking to people in small groups and I think I managed that very well, especially considering I was sleep deprived.

I was headachy around lunchtime, same as first day I took the Concerta XL last week and it eased off of it's own accord. However, around 6.30pm I started feeling really tired and I'm dizzy if I stand up too quickly. I'm generally feeling quite weary so I'm going to aim for getting the little one into bed and trying to get an early night, hence I'm posting early. I'll let you know what happens tomorrow!

Chilled out

Had a pretty easy going day today. I called my mum and asked her to come over so we could go out for coffee so I had a nice morning sat in a cafe chatting, organised by me for once! After picking up the little one I got all my shopping chores done and was back in time to make soup from a Weight Watchers recipe book. The soup was lovely by the way!

Managed to go to Ikea, buy everything I need for phase one of the playroom renovation without any stress at all, and resist buying lots of things I don't need so that's good too!

Time for a cup of tea and a run through of what I need for tomorrow, I'm going to a day course about Learning Through Play through the Autistic Society, and I'm starting the higher dose so that should be an interesting test!

Night night.

Checking in today..

Another fairly positive day although I have felt quite tired despite being alert. I am far more able to organise the structure of my time to get jobs done, usually if my little one decides to have a nap I think I should do x, y and z but I'll just check on j first and next thing I know he's awake and I haven't actually managed anything useful!

I'm still snacking at night when the effects wear off, though I'm trying to use willpower to cut down on that. I'm trying to get back into Weight Watchers and I'm tracking my food much better but I still can't resist a couple of funsize Milky Ways when the 'blue tin' is open.

I'm looking forward to Wednesday and trying the higher dose, I was tempted today but I thought if I'm going to do this properly, including this blog, I need to follow the rules as best as possible.

I have managed to achieve lots of things over the last few days and I have written little lists and notes to help me along. My kids are finally going to get swimming lessons, I've made lots of progress with decorating, I've got a clear picture of what I need to get done this week and when I have appointments etc. Who would have thought that starting medication could lead to such a change so quickly. I'm worried that my body will just get used to them, and I have to say, what would happen if I stopped, would I just go back to before or would I have a couple of weeks of complete haze and sleep to get through.

Headaches are easing off too, though again that might be cycle related, sod's law that my first week of medication timed so perfectly to my hormones!

Better day today

Today was more like the first few days so it looks like yesterday was a blip. kameel at the forums had suggested that ibuprofen could increase stomach acid if taken on an empty stomach and therefore cause the tablet to release too quickly and not last as long so it would be interesting if that is what happened, I'll be trying to steer clear of ibuprofen if I can help it while I'm trying out the Concerta XL.

I wasn't too bad when I woke up this morning, although it was 8.15am which is quite a good time for me considering the kids. I was able to get down by 9am and take my tablet so was able to get the day organised quite early. I finished painting the bathroom and found that I wasn't so distracted while I was painting, it's another thing checked off my list. I also noticed I didn't get stressed out when paint dripped or other little mistakes happened, I just dealt with them and carried on.

It's amazing really, this last week I've really noticed how irritable and stressed I usually am, it's been great being able to work on one thing at a time and not worry about the things I'm not doing.

Well, I'm heading for bed, night night.

Ups and downs.

This morning I was really really tired. Okay, so it was 5am when my little one tried to wake me up but I was proper tired and it was 8.30 before I was capable of getting out of bed and heading for my magic pill. I had taken some ibuprofen at around 8.00 as there was some by my bed, and I wonder if it is responsible for the ups and downs in the day. I was fine from about 9.15 until 12.30, at which point I felt irritable and weary. I started to get stressed out by the kids arguing in the car and was getting distracted while driving. It was as though I hadn't taken the medication at all and it lasted a couple of hours.

I came back to clarity again a little later although was still a little impatient off and on during the day. I've ended up staying up late as I wanted to make a patchwork cushion cover that I had prepared last week and been putting off so I had to finish it before I could move on to dropping in here before bed. I'm still contemplating painting the rest of the bathroom if I can't get to sleep which would be a really bad idea as I'd be too tired tomorrow so hopefully getting to sleep won't be too hard.

So an interesting day really, am I getting used to the low dose or did the ibuprofen knock the effects, or is it just general hormones playing with the results, here's hoping tomorrow is a better day!

Another day, another list...

Another list of things to do that is. I haven't made a list in ages but it seemed logical this morning so I set out all the things that I wanted to get done imminently and came up with a dozen things. I generally feel like there's too many things that need doing, put off some things repeatedly, find it hard to pin down which thing to do and the tablets seem to help with that. I managed to complete seven tasks so that's not bad going. I've made a good start on painting my bathroom, and I've started measuring up for changing around the kids playroom so hopefully tomorrow will see some progress with both projects!

I took the kids to McDonald's after school and we actually ate in for the first time in a long time, having more patience is definitely a benefit, I still wrapped it up fairly swiftly when my son started jumping on the seat and smacking his sister but we managed to get through a good 15 mins of sitting together happily before that!

Last night I slept much better, no kip on the sofa in the evening, there were too many things to do that jumped to mind every time I contemplated it! Yet again it was after midnight when I headed up, I really need to pull that forward to around 11 but looking at the clock it won't be tonight!

I was very headachy today, it started around 2pm and was niggling on and off until about 7pm when it seemed to get much stronger, thanks goes to planetdave at the Adult Attention Deficit Disorder UK forum, here, for letting me know that I could take some ibuprofen to tackle it (and to kameel for a few ideas on headaches and Concerta). I would usually get headaches at this time in my cycle so it's hard to say if the medication has caused the headache or not, if anything I would usually have grabbed painkillers early in the day and topped them up if necessary so the fact that it was late, as my meds were wearing off, when it seemed to get worse may mean that it was masking it in the first place.

Now that it's been a few days I can't say it's like the film Limitless, I haven't written any books yet, and my house is not gleaming from top to bottom, but I'm definitely clearer and more decisive. I've still had a couple of times of flitting from one job to another, or getting distracted by the computer or another little job from what I should be doing, maybe when the dose doubles next week that will lessen more, we'll have to see.

Signing off for the day, night all!

Sleepless on the sofa yet second day success

The first night didn't quite go as planned after such a positive day but how much of it is due to the medication and how much due to my three year old is hard to say.

It was my fault I went to bed at the usual late hour, it was 12.15am and I really should have tried harder to go before that. I didn't have too much trouble falling asleep after a little reading but my son decided that waking me up and climbing into bed just after 2am would be a good plan. This is not all that unusual but usually I'm sleepy enough to drift off again. Not last night. I was too hot, I wasn't comfortable, I wasn't going to sleep, so although I probably drifted into little bites of sleep by 5am I'd had enough and headed to the sofa.

I deliberately forced myself to stay away from the laptop and this blog at that hour as I knew I needed sleep, and I probably fell asleep around 5.30am only to be woken by the same small boy at 6am who wanted to know where I had got to. It was Peppa Pig time so I stayed with my blanket on the sofa and drifted in and out of sleep until 7.30am when I decided it was time to give up.

This kind of sleep pattern would usually lead to a very grumpy and irritable day, and it's PMT time too so I should be a monster. I was interested to know what would happen after I took my second dose of Concerta XL (which is 18mg for this first week in case I didn't mention that) at 8.00am.

I functioned perfectly well during the day despite the lack of sleep and haven't been at all sleepy until 7.30pm when I was reading a story to my son, it hit pretty hard and I found it hard to focus on the story. It seems to have passed now but seeing as my husband is out and about I may kip on the sofa for a bit.

I was a little headachy again, strangely enough around 12 again, so I'm wondering if it's linked to food. I usually snack a lot in the morning but again today I had breakfast and then didn't go snack hunting at all until lunch so maybe it's a shock to the system! With taking the tablet earlier I have to say I'm starting to feel that it's pretty much gone, it's 8.40pm and I feel that little bit more irritated and muddled. I also shouted at the girls for making too much noise while getting the little one down and realised I'd been pretty mellow with them up until that point! I even took them out for a drink and a cake after school which I haven't done in ages.

I'm also finding it easier to 'chat' with people. I'm definitely less self conscious and awkward when talking in a group, I co-run a Mums and Tots group on Thursday mornings so it was a good time to see how I got on talking to other volunteers and parents, I feel like I'm more attentive to the other person and more patient instead of constantly thinking 'I get the gist, I just need to sort out this...', it was far more relaxed.

So again, another positive day, I might need to buy a better coat though as I keep arriving at school early to pick the kids up and it's freezing out there! The time thieves have definitely been kicked into touch at the moment. Usually I look at the clock and think, 'Hmm 3 o'clock, I need to head off for the kids soon' and then next thing I know it's 3.25pm and I've got 5 minutes to get down there, park and walk up to the gates! I was stood at the gates at 3.18pm today, first one there!

I'm hoping that sleep isn't a big problem tonight, I'm fairly positive that without today's dose I'd have been useless but a build up of patchy sleepless nights isn't going to be a good thing. So I'm off to the sofa, I might even heat this cup of tea up again. I'll let you all know tomorrow how it goes!

Thanks for checking in with me!

The first day results..

Hmm, what to think about today. On the whole it was very positive, though how much of that was anticipating a better day is impossible to say. I was mildly headachy around 12, but not massively and it didn't last long. The music came back quickly, but only when I wasn't concentrating on something, more as a soundtrack to making a cup of tea or wiping surfaces so that's good.

I definitely felt more patient and willing to play with my son who can be something of a handful, I feel I coped better with his wilder moments and enjoyed playing trains with him more than usual, this is a very good thing. I also walked to the shops with him because I needed to get some things, usually the fact that he was home from pre-school would mean that I'd put it off until the next time he was in school so it was less hassle, if that kind of thing continues I may actually start to find that when all three are in school I'm not just cramming in all the errands I've been putting off and have a little time to myself.

I also remembered to collect the kids on time, and in fact was 5 mins early which is unusual for me, and remembered to go to a meeting at school, arriving on time for that. Definitely a bonus!

Did I feel dramatically different? No. But I did feel a little lighter in general, walking up the hill to get the kids wasn't such a chore and cleaning up after dinner was done before I realised I was doing it, this is exactly the kind of help I need. The house is not immaculate after a one day magic pill, it would take an awful lot longer than a day to deal with this lot, but it's got little bits that are better. Not only did I put the washing on but I dried it and put it away instead of forgetting about it, when things needed sorting through I just did it, and long term that could be a valuable change.

The other thing I haven't done as much today is snacking. I usually chain drink tea (or at least make tea that I heat up twice in the microwave) and can't pass the kitchen cupboards without furtling through them. I've been on every diet going and they all start off great and end with indifference and weight going back on so the fact that I haven't eat a few Milky Ways, biscuits and other assorted goodies has got to be a good thing. I'm starting to contemplate a snack now but given that it's just gone 9pm that's not bad going, I haven't had anything since dinner! If weight loss comes with a clean house and a healthy playing relationship with my kids, I think 'a little bit headachy' is worth it!

Roll on tomorrow, I'll take it in the morning (so long as I remember) and write to you all again in the evening.

Thanks for reading!

Today it begins...

At 10.22am I took my first dose of Concerta XL. This may change the way my life runs each day, this may improve my concentration, organisation and motivation. This may do nothing. Let me go back a bit.

I am 32 years old and have got this far without any diagnosis or treatment for what I have now confirmed as ADHD. As with any condition like this, I thought everyone dealt with daily life in the same way. That everyone had two trains of thought all the time, that we all remembered all the things we hadn't done as soon as we sat down and that we all lost our phone, keys, bag etc every day. The music that plays in the background to my thoughts is there to keep me on track, but it doesn't stop me remembering to do something and then not actually doing it, it doesn't stop me thinking that seeing my friends is hard because I probably sound stupid or annoying and people have better things to do than have me turn up for a cup of tea.

But anyway, I am married and have three kids aged 9, 7 and 3. They are great but it turns out they all have difficulty with dealing with the world too. My 9 year old was diagnosed with ADHD just before her seventh birthday. It was a relief in a way as it explained a few things but it also triggered my thoughts. She is like me, really like me, in fact she drives me mad because she makes me realise what I was like as a child and I know why I was never in a group of friends until I was older. I don't want her to have a teenage life like me because I was miserable, I was worried about my weight, and had a very low value to my life, so I want things to be better for her.

She takes Medikinet twice a day during school to help with her work at school so hopefully she shouldn't have the same trouble with getting her work finished but she still feels it's hard to make friends and I don't have a magic answer. So with her diagnosis it got me thinking about me. In fairness there was already a suspicion but it was getting harder to ignore. I was in two minds as to whether to talk to a doctor about it or not (well I'm usually in two minds as I said earlier but you know what I mean). There was the 'if it's ADHD and a magic tablet will fix it, how awesome would that be' vs. 'will it make me completely unemployable to have ADHD written on my notes'. I honestly don't know the answer to the second question but I guess it's too late now!

I meant to go and see the doctor but kept somehow not getting around to it. People without ADHD often find that hard to understand. How can you be impulsive and yet put things off all the time. Well, you just can! I finally, very nervously, rambled my concerns to my GP early last year and last week I suddenly received an appointment letter with a Specialist Registrar on Monday.

Luckily I only had the weekend to get nervous about the appointment and I was able to get my mum to come with me as they wanted someone who knew me growing up to help answer the questionnaires and fill in the background. There were lots of questions and some hard truths to admit, like my spending on new hobbies for lots of stuff that gets put in a corner when the next hobby kicks in, and also things that I might not have wanted to mention in front of my mother, like the fact that I smoked cannabis when I was 16, but it was a bit late for worrying about that and I didn't feel the need to lie if it helped with the diagnosis.

The Registrar felt it looked pretty solid for the case of ADHD, with a couple of autistic tendencies which surprised me as my 7 year old has Asperger's Syndrome and my 3 year old has ASD, and I totally blamed my husbands side of the family! More about the Asperger's and ASD another day as that's a whole other kettle of fish. The Registrar called in the consultant and he agreed and surprised me by suggesting I immediately try medication. He thinks it will have a very positive impact on me and has prescribed Concerta XL. 18mg once a day for the first week, doubling to 36mg if it seems to be going well. He would fax my doctor, and see me in four weeks. I dropped by the surgery this morning, my prescription was there so a quick trip to Boots and I had them.

At 10.22am I took my first dose of Concerta XL. And here I am, with the good intentions of writing a blog about my experiences for other adults who may suspect they have ADHD, for those who've been diagnosed but not tried medication, and for anyone who is curious to see what happens. Usually writing a blog, diary etc would not go well with me, a few days and then I'd forget, but with the tablets, I guess we'll find out.

I'll be checking in later so thank you for reading a bit about me, you may find it interesting to know that at 11.17 I became aware of my heartbeat for a few seconds and the music stopped in my head while I was typing. That, for me, is very curious indeed.